i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
