I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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