i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
