New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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