Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
