lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
