spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
