I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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