Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
