escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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