my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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