my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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