I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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