he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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