I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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