Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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