Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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