if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
