Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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