Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
