Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
