We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
