I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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