____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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