Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
