addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if i died would you start the facebook group?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
