what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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