i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
