you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
