So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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