From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Be still, my beating vagina.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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