I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
