dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i've created a new STD.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize