wake up i wanna do it froggy style
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
