im six kinds of drunk right now
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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