you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
