She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
