I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize