We're facebook friends in real life
It's just like the Real World with babies
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
