Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
