ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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