I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
