There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
