well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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