so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
