After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
