If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
