Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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