You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
