I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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