My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
