Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
