Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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