I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
