you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
