i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
