Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
