fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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