So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
