I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
