nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
