So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
