in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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