I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
