i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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