I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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