By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
